Open mouth. Insert Foot.

So here's a little glimpse into my morning...

So things started out on a good foot. I actually woke up on time and even had time to enjoy my breakfast while watching the morning news. I had plenty of time to get ready and traffic wasn't even bad. Great start, right?

Well I got to work early and decided to stop in for some coffee. I ordered and then moved aside to let the lady behind me order. She ordered two bagels and then mumbled something. The cashier didn't hear her and so she repeated herself. I SWEAR she said, "I'm eating for two." So, me being nosey, I ask her when she's due.

....to which she responded, "No, I said I'm ordering for two... I'm not pregnant."....

Awesome.

So I apologized profusely and said, "Well I was wondering because you don't look pregnant at all!" She was nice about it, but nobody ever wants to be mistaken for being pregnant when you aren't. I probably would have cried. I felt/still feel HORRIBLE!!!

Okay, so then I took the elevator to the 38th floor and made my way to my desk. As soon as I sat down, my phone rang (hate it when that happens). I answered and it was the court reporter I had been psycho calling the day before. The voice said, "Hello! I'm from 'so and so' court reporting and..." Well I cut the them off because I was so pumped that they had called me back! I left a message (or 17) for a man named Steve. So I thanked him so much for calling me back and began giving him the details of what we were needing, times, dates, etc. I kept saying, "Again, thank you, sir, for getting back with me. I know a man like you is very busy!" Every time I said that, there would be no response (okay, rude). We ended the conversation with, "Ma'am, my name is Jan. I'm a woman."

...Of course you are. I bet you're friends with the "pregnant" lady at the coffee place too...

FML.

For the second time in less than an hour, I began apologizing profusely. I explained to her that since I left messages for Steve I just assumed he would be the one to call me back. (And she did have a somewhat manly voice, but I left that part out). So I apologized to Jan again and thanked her for everything.

Yep, so I'm on a roll today. Let's see who else I can offend.